You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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