me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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