wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
