his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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