I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize