Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
