omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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