It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
