is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize