thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
