I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
