hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize