I'm jealous of your bromance
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
