This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
