I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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