I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he thought i was a dude.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
