get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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