I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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