Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
