You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
