For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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