I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
