So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
