I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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