Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
