Don't you send me to vm
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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