the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
