Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
