My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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