You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
