I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
