I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize