He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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