Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
