Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is the high leading the old right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
