This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
