I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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