dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
