I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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