just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
