I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
