Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
