I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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