I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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