Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
