I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
