it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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