If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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