her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
