If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
