her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
