I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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