Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
