Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
3 2 1 whiskey
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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