We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize