HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
