apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
