Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
