They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
