just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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