I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
