i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
