dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
