oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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