we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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