now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My hand turned me down
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What a dumb baby whore.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
