Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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