Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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