Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
soo... how was my night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
