...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
