Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
