Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I could fuck to npr.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
